I know, I know. it has been a while... I have stopped writing on this blog, as I think that I have done all what I've possibly can do. I was down for a while, last month, Derrick just celebrated his 3rd birthday, and we were with him blowing out candles from the cake. We took some pics which i will be posting here. What I feel sad about is, a lot of our family pics, with papa, me and Derrick in there, smiling, having fun, but I can't really see much of Darren in it. You know how much i want him to be in there, but most of the time he is not looking at the camera.


Just don't get me wrong, I have never given up on him, I still do what a mother can do, talks to him every single day, plays with him, hugs him, kisses him. He is responding well, the only thing is he has no speech yet. He is going to be 5 yo this coming 11th of august'09. I am getting worried, but we can't really afford the speech therapy & the Occupational therapy now. And we have stopped his class at PCS jurong west too, because of our financial situation, we can't really afford all those for him. To substitute his OT, we bring him to the playground very often in a day. And as for ST, i am using PECS and sign language on him, so far, PECS is ok, but not for sign language. His sensory prob is also still there, licking, biting & playing with saliva. Well, only God will know when he will be better. I don't have very high expectation, just hope that he can takes care of himself when we are all gone.

So, now he is only going to fei yue. And I put him on 5ml super nu thera, to help him with his speech, the 1st 2 weeks hyper activity occured, but after that he is ok. Now he babbles more new things. Just hoping his speech will be there soon, and another prob is toilet training him, I don't think he is ready, as everytime after he poo poo, he will not feel any discomfort, he will still smiling and playing away. And when we take off his diaper and put on the pants only, he will get very agitated, and keeps playing with his genital till he urine on the floor many times. I am not sure how to fix this problem....

An inspirational talk

I have started working part time for "Reading Plus", marketing reading programs. So, today I attended a seminar for teachers of varied schools in singapore. The speaker was Dilip mukerjea. A very inspirational public speaker. He is the MD for "Braindancing International", he was talking about how to make your brain works to the maximum and without border. He said learning is for life and it will only stop when you are reduced to ashes, which i am very much agreed with. We will never stop learning if we are willing to learn. And he also mentioned that "There is no learning difficulties, only teaching difficulties". At first, I was puzzled by what he meant, but he explained again, about his experiences working with people with brain damages, He said they have brain damages, but when you are teaching them, they are very eager to learn, but they have their limit and difficulties, so what the teachers need to do is just to work within their limit and "Stimulating" their brain, so it will be better, because brain cells will die, if there is no stimulus goes to it. And the neurons will refuse to connect & create electricity.

So, I am thinking, maybe in Darren case, he will need a lot of stuffs to stimulate his brain. I started playing games with him when i reached home: imitating his actions, imitating his blabbers, even run or crawl with him on the floor, which I know Sanjay always ask me to do, he called it Floortime activities. This works out well! He was laughing happily, making eye contact, and actually came to me and ask for more plays :-), eventough no speech yet, but communication is there. We will still work on this every single day.

The new Darren

It has been a while since I last penned down my thoughts in here. Darren contracted HFMD a while ago, and he recovered within a week. We were afraid Derrick will also got it, but fortunately he was okay. Maybe his immune system is better than Darren.

The following entry might sound silly. But I believe in tarots reading, so I always ask for advice from the lady. She told me, Darren will be able to communicate verbally by end of December with "formal setting" kind of therapy where the father has to be involved, because he feels stress from the therapist, and he trusts his father more than anyone else. So, I told my hubby, we have to try this eventough this may sound silly. So, every morning, he will play with Darren before he goes off to work, talks to him, pats his back, and laughs with him. To our disbelieve, he doesn't babble in his hoarse voice like what he used to do, anymore. Now he is babbling clearly. ma ma, pa pa, la la la, and some other new babbler that we never heard before. Down inside, we hope that he will be able to communicate like any other children, so that he will be able to tell us his needs and wants, not by temper tantrum.

I have stopped the GFCF diet on him, as I feel that he is so pitiful, can't eat all the things that small kids supposed to enjoy. I want him to try all the snacks, sweets, chocolates, etc. We are giving him everything now, except not too much candies and chocolates, as we understand that even normal kids can't take too much of that, will caused hyperactivity.

He seems to be able to take it now, as I don't see any behavioral changes in him. He still sleeps at 9 PM and wakes up at 6.30 AM. He doesn't cry for no reasons also. We are happy to see this happening. At least now he can eat what other kids eat. And he puts on some more weight again. We called him "little piggy" or "Ah fat" now, hahaha.

Hearing test

We went to NUH-child development unit for Darren's follow up on 1st july 2008. Like usual, she will ask me what kind of program that Darren is on now. Of course i never tell her about the biomedical treatment, as normal physician will cringe at the mention of it. Actually 3 mths ago she suggested that we bring Darren for hearing test at NUH, which will cost us from 40 to 400 bucks, depends on Darren cooperation. If need to, they will have to sedate him to make him cooperate. He is on music therapy so, i was puzzled why they need him to go for hearing test. She told me that some autistic children are deaf in many ways, as music and speech is different. She said some autistic kids can talk after fittin on the hearing aid..... For this one, i am not so sure, i will have to find more resources to see if it's true or not. I will not put my son to the suffering of sedation just for hearing test. He is only a cute 4 year old....

I have stopped the Kitaro CD, as it made him very active. Now we are back to Samonas "3 guitars" CD, and he seems to toned down abit, not so super high in energy and more calm.

And I am posting this interesting poster about autism, i found in Second Life@TM.

Darren, Darren, Darren

Today we were at Sanjay. He noticed higher awareness & joint attention on Darren. He was playing with the equipment happily. And he seemed to enjoy climbing up the ladder, eventough he feel afraid. But he was willing to try, he even pull my hands, to indicate to me, that he want to go up again after he managed to climb down. We did that quite a lot of time, maybe 8 times. He is more adventorous now, as he is willing to try every set up that Sanjay do for him. All the obstacles and builds, he will try to go through, with 20% prompting.

Sanjay is concern about his late speech. So, we will think of a way to do neurofeedback on him, and get the expert in USA to look into it. It will be a bit of a challenge, as it will require to put the sensor on his head, and we will have to do t once with eyes open, and once with eyes close.

I noticed, he is a bit active this week, making more sound and rounds. But I believe that is because of his higher awareness & joint attention. Sanjay also said so.

Another day has passed

During the June school holiday, Fei Yue told me that government is doing another mean test, to reaccess our income and adjust Darren's fee.I was shocked when they told me that we have to pay 600+ now because no subsidy for us since papa's salary is high (but we have to pay many other things...). And we were fortunate because they helped us to get a grant, so the fee is adjusted to 380SGD from 350SGD. Thank God! If not, we have to really stop him from going to PCS JW, as we can't afford to pay more. Parents with kids with disability, sometimes really have to pay high prices for a lot of things that are supposed to help the kids.

We are thinking of putting him to speech therapist, since he didn't lke the one at SPD. Until now we can't really find a suitable one. Those at town area are charging exorbitant money, 100+ per hr..... I am not sure if we can really afford. We are up to our neck now, as papa's salary is being process too slow every mth. Pls pls MOE & the school clerks. Work harder, as not only your families need the money, but our kids also need it, to buy their necessities. They have been pushing the blames everywhere for the late processing of salary every mth. I am not sure who to turn to for help...........I am angry sometimes, but can i call and scold them? I can't for my safety......and papa's career.

I am at my wits end.....

I want to play what I want!

Today Darren is going to PCS Jurong West. The teacher told us that he wanted to choose his own toys, instead of being told what to play. He will shriek and cry when not allowed to play the toys that he want. I am not sure if this is a good improvement..... But at least now he know how to protest, meaning awareness level is improving.

Weather is bad as usual. Let's hope noone fall sick this time. I managed to swim 7 laps today. Fatigue and body pain always come to me nowadays. I guess i have to start eating my spirulina supplements again.

Rain rain go away, come again some other day....